


Voices 03 - Losing My Voice

by elixia13



Series: Voice Series [4]
Category: The X-Files
Genre: Angst, Hospital, Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-01-29
Updated: 2010-01-29
Packaged: 2017-10-06 18:58:01
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,933
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/56781
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/elixia13/pseuds/elixia13
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Mulder and Skinner's relationship is recovering well, but<br/>Skinner himself isn't so lucky.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Voices 03 - Losing My Voice

**Author's Note:**

> Medical information should be fairly accurate, but I have taken some  
> liberties, and I'm sure I've made mistakes.

When I woke up in his arms, I had a moment of panic. A tiny little  
one, just a trip of my heartbeat, but it was enough to knock me off of  
the couch onto the floor, bruising my hip on the coffee table on my  
way down. As far as morning-afters go, I've had better, but it wasn't  
irreparable.

From my spot on the floor, I looked up into Walter's face and saw that  
I hadn't woken him. Amazingly. He was still sleeping, his arms  
wrapped around his own chest in lieu of mine, his face relaxed, his  
breathing steady. He looked so beautiful, naked on my couch, but I  
bit my lip and covered him better with the blanket as I stood up.

I still felt a little restless, a little unsure. I couldn't really  
believe, in the bright light of morning, that he was going to stay.  
He never promised that he would stay, even though he said he'd  
forgiven me. I figured, how easy would it be for him to discover that  
he really couldn't forgive me, now that the sexual impulse was  
satisfied?

I wanted to wake him up, talk it over with him, but I didn't have the  
heart for it. He'd mentioned sleepless nights; I knew how hard that  
could be. So, I got dressed, laced up my sneakers and headed out for  
a run.

^^^

The run was good, cleansing. I jogged back up the stairs of my  
building a little more confident, in myself if not our relationship.  
I realized that I'd been alone for years; I could do it again, even if  
I wouldn't be happy. I could make it, and I probably wouldn't fall  
off the couch if I didn't have to share it.

When I let myself back into my apartment, the smell of coffee  
surprised me.

"Hey, there you are. I saw your sneakers were gone, figured you'd  
gone for a run." His voice was upbeat, but a little wary. There was  
a slight tone in there that said he'd been worried, worried I'd ran in  
more ways than one.

But I hadn't. I had that under control. I came around into the  
kitchen and met his look with a smile. "Yeah, I woke up early and  
didn't want to disturb Sleeping Beauty."

He chuckled deeply, "Come here, you!" Then he surprised me by grabbing  
my arm and pulling me towards him quickly. He kissed me--hard.  
Pressing my lips open with his, seeking out my tongue, conquering my  
mouth, all the while holding me fast with his thick hands around my  
upper arms. I was glad he was holding me because my legs had turned  
weak from the force of his passion.

When he finally let me go, I rocked back on my heels, drawing in a  
deep breath. My eyes travelled from his flushed face down to his  
body. He'd fished his boxers from the heap we left the night before,  
and he'd taken a clean t-shirt from the folded pile on my bed. It fit  
him perfectly, stretching tightly over his pectorals and his arms. I  
could see that I had never done it justice.

I reached to pull it off of him, but he stopped me.

"No, you did all the work last night. Now it's my turn," he growled  
in my ear.

He took my hand and led me into the bedroom, where the bed was  
miraculously clear of laundry and papers. He'd been busy during my  
run. He pushed me down so that I was sitting on the bed and then  
kneeled before me. He pushed my t-shirt up my chest and over my head,  
following his hands with his mouth on my stomach, my chest.

I'd been hard since he first kissed me, but it was getting unbearable.  
I moaned something, "Please...," but he kept his attention above my  
waist, pulling lightly at my nipples with his teeth. "Walt!" I  
gasped, and he finally took pity on me.

He pushed me back on the bed and pulled my sweats off to reveal my  
straining erection. Standing above me, he pulled off his own t-shirt  
and shorts before flashing his most dangerous smile at me. He joined  
me on the bed, then, kissing me again and then grasping me around the  
waist and flipping me onto my stomach.

I pulled my knees up under me, opening myself to him, and begged him,  
"I need you in me." It had been so long since I'd felt him fill me  
up, felt his warm strength slip inside me. He reached over and took  
the condoms and lube from my bedside drawer, where I'd always kept  
them. I thought I would weep from relief, and maybe I did.

I felt the cold gel against my skin, but then his warm finger was  
there, and he pressed it inside of me smoothly. I was ready for him,  
welcoming, and he must have been pleased with what he felt. He bent  
over and kissed me--in between my shoulder blades, then the back of my  
neck. He pulled back to position himself and pushed himself into me.

I bucked back against him, driving him in more deeply. The head of  
his penis brushed my prostate, and I gasped, almost losing it. But he  
pulled back a little and reached around to take me in his hand.  
Simultaneously thrusting with his hips and his hand, he brought us  
both to the very edge, and then I couldn't hold off any longer. I  
came, spasming around him, pulling him over the brink with me.

When I opened my eyes, he was still on top of me, and my chest was  
sticky with cum. He kissed me again--the base of my spine, the middle  
of my back, and then whispered in my ear, "I'll be right back."

He returned with a warm damp cloth and cleaned me up before crawling  
back onto the bed with me. I reached over the side of the bed and  
pulled up an afghan to cover us as he lay down beside me. I put my  
arms around him and fell asleep with my head on his chest, the strong,  
deep rhythm of his heart leading me into sleep.

^^^

I woke up with him pushing at my head.

"Mulder get off of me. Wake up and get the hell off of me."

Even through the fog of sleepiness, I could tell he was panicked. The  
thought of his panic drove me into wakefulness and I sat up beside  
him. "What's wrong, Walt?" As I rubbed my eyes open, I looked at him  
and realized that he was pale and sweaty. I cupped my hand around his  
cheek, and his skin was too cold. There was fear, something I wasn't  
used to seeing, in his eyes.

"Jesus, I can't breathe," he ground out through clenched teeth.  
"Thought it was your damn big head but still can't." He was gasping  
for air, and my mind was spinning.

I couldn't think what to do; I just kept staring at him as he turned  
whiter than my sheets. Thinking it would let him breathe more easily,  
I helped him sit up against the headboard, and he seemed to ease a  
little. I felt for his pulse at his neck, and it was so fast I could  
barely feel the individual beats. He bent over in pain then, moaning,  
"Fox!"

I leapt off the bed. "I'm calling an ambulance, Walt. Please hold  
on!" I punched in the digits and gave them the information before  
rushing back to him. I could only hope and try to trust that this  
would be a real ambulance that would come, not someone who would take  
him away from me.

I rushed back into the bedroom, pulling my sweat pants on, only to see  
him slump back against the headboard. My heart lurched. I shook him,  
called his name, but he didn't respond. For once, I thanked whatever  
gods may be for my memory. It had been a couple of years since that  
CPR class.

I picked him up from the bed and laid him down on the floor, tipping  
his head back. A-airway. Seemed open. B-breathing. I held my face  
above his mouth, but I couldn't feel anything, could perceive no  
movement of his chest. Okay, five breaths. I fit my mouth to his and  
breathed into him, giving him everything I could. His chest rose a  
bit each time, so I knew it was working a little.

C-circulation. I felt again for a pulse, but there was nothing.  
Nothing. Taking a deep breath and hoping that I wouldn't hurt him too  
badly, I laced my hands together over his heart and pressed down  
firmly. Fifteen compressions. Back up to his mouth for two breaths.  
Fifteen compressions. Two breaths. Two more cycles, and then I  
checked his pulse again, but there was still nothing.

Compressions, breaths, compressions, breaths. I felt that I could go  
on forever if it would save him. I knew that it had to save him, had  
to bring him back. Compressions, breaths, and then there was a weak  
cough, a slight pulse. I turned him gently onto his side and knelt  
down over him, entwining my fingers with his, watching every shallow  
breath.

Finally, after what felt like 45 minutes but was probably only 10, the  
EMTs arrived. I told them what had happened, and they lifted him onto  
a gurney, hooking him up to machines. They covered his body, which I  
realized was still naked, with a blanket.

The EMT looked at me. "If you want to get dressed and follow, we're  
going to Northeast Georgetown."

"No! I'm coming!" I'd be damned if I left his side after what had  
happened with Scully. I grabbed my shoes and shirt from the floor and  
ran after them, dressing as I ran. I put my shoes on in the elevator  
and followed them into the back of the ambulance. The EMT didn't  
bother to argue with me.

They hooked him up to more machines once we were inside and moving.  
He was still breathing, still had a pulse. I couldn't tear my eyes  
away from the site of the blanket barely rising above his chest with  
each shallow breath. The beeping of the machines kept time for me.  
If my concentration and hope could have kept him breathing, they would  
have. Maybe they did.

^^^

When we arrived at the Emergency Room, I was pushed to the side as  
Walter was wheeled into a treatment room. I heard someone shout,  
"He's bottoming out!" The blare of a machine. I ran after and saw a  
tiny little nurse kneeling above him on the table, pressing onto his  
chest. Somebody else was helping him breath with oxygen, and the  
machine picked up its rhythmic bleeping again.

People in various sorts of scrubs surrounded him, blocking my sight,  
and panic rose up side of me. I had to see him, had to see that he  
was alive. The room started to take on a slow tilt, and then there  
was a hand on my arm. I was led, stumbling, to a chair, where a woman  
with kind brown eyes sat down next to me, holding a clip board.

"Sir, are you okay? Can you hear me?"

I nodded numbly and she smiled at me.

"Your friend is in good hands, but we need you to give us some  
information so we can help him." I nodded again, so she continued.  
"First, what is his name?"

"Walter Skinner. S-K-I-N-N-E-R"

She wrote it down. "And who is his next of kin?"

I realized I had no idea. "Um, his parents are dead. His wife died.  
Ummm."

"It's okay, Mr...?"

"Mulder."

"And what is your relationship?"

"We work together. He's my boss, or he used to be." I sighed, not  
knowing what to say. "We're friends."

"Do you know his medical history?"

"Oh, geez, you'll want to get in touch with Dr. Plant or Dr. Carerra.  
He was treated last month for a strange blood condition. Other than  
that, he's very healthy. He works out. He's not even 50 yet."

"Okay, Mr. Mulder, that should help. If you could just fill out these  
forms a best you can, we'd appreciate it. Is there someone you can  
call to wait with you? Bring you a jacket or something? It may be a  
while until we can tell you anything about Mr. Skinner's condition."

I nodded and managed a gruff thank you before she returned to the  
desk. Taking the stupid clipboard with me, I walked over to the  
phones to call Scully. I didn't even have any change with me, so I  
had to call collect. After hearing the terse recording of "Mulder"  
she accepted the charges.

"Mulder, what did you do now?" She sounded happy, light in a way she  
never did during the week anymore.

"Scully, I need you." Yes, I was pathetic, but I couldn't help it. I  
didn't feel like I could hold it together much longer.

"What's wrong, Mulder? Where are you?"

"Northeast Georgetown. It's not me, Scully, it's Skinner. I think he  
had--" I almost couldn't say it past the lump in my throat. "I think  
he had a heart attack."

She gasped then. "Oh my God, Mulder! I'll be down there right away."

"Scully," I interrupted before she could hang up on me. "I need you  
to do me a favor. Can you please go by my place and get me a pair of  
jeans and my jacket? And my wallet and keys, please."

She sounded confused and curious, but--bless her--she didn't ask for  
an explanation then. "Okay Mulder, I'll be there in about 45  
minutes."

I hung up the phone and returned to my hard, plastic chair to fill out  
the forms. I could give them his address, phone number and employment  
information, but beyond that they were going to have to call the  
Bureau for details.

After a short while, the brown-eyed nurse came over to tell me they  
were taking him up to surgery. I handed her the forms and headed up  
to the surgical waiting room. There were two families, a group of  
friends, and me. Feeling under-dressed and out of place, I waited for  
Scully, tapping my foot in time to my relentless heartbeat.

^^^

I was lucky Scully arrived when she did. Between my tapping, shifting  
and pacing, I was getting homicidal looks from some of the people  
sharing the waiting room with me. And I didn't have my gun on me to  
defend myself. The 70-ish volunteer woman at the information desk,  
who evidently had the patience of a saint, just kept looking at me  
like she wanted to hug me.

Scully walked in and sat down next to me, dropping a shopping bag at  
my feet. I looked inside to find jeans, a long-sleeved henley, my  
wallet and keys, and Walter's wallet and keys, even a pair of boxers  
and socks. She handed me my black leather jacket, which I put on,  
glad to have it in the chilly waiting room. "Thanks, Scully."

Scully placed her hand on my knee. "I talked to the ER doctor, and he  
told me Skinner was doing pretty well. They gave him a drug to help  
thin his blood, and now they're performing angioplasty to remove the  
clot from his artery. Once the clot is gone, he won't be in pain  
anymore."

"That's good, Scully. Thanks for talking to the doctor." My voice  
was rusty from worry and disuse.

Scully turned sideways in her seat and moved her hand to my arm. For  
a quick moment, I flashed back to Walter's larger hands on my arms,  
holding me close. She was trying to look me in the eye, and I allowed  
her the contact.

"Mulder, he also told me you saved him. You performed CPR on him for  
several minutes before the EMTs arrived." Her voice was quiet,  
respectful. "I didn't even know you knew CPR, Mulder. It's lucky you  
were there." There was a questioning tone to her voice, and I'm sure  
she was dying to know all the details. Dying.

"I took a class." I answered the easier question first. I didn't  
want to tell Scully about what was going on between Walter and me.  
It's not that I never intended to tell her; I did. I just wanted to  
keep it private for a while, keep it special. However, she had to  
suspect, and I really didn't have the energy to waste hiding from her  
or dancing around the subject.

"Scully, I'm involved with Skinner."

Her hand slid down my arm, and I thought for sure she was pissed, but  
then she took my hand in hers. "I know that."

I look up at her in frank shock.

She sighed. "Mulder, I'm neither an idiot nor a child. I've known  
there was something between you two for a long time. However, even if  
I hadn't know before, the piles of clothes by the bed and the used  
condom and lubricant packages would have clued me in." She was  
smiling. It was *okay* with her.

"Got it, Scully. So, I assume I can count on you to keep quiet about  
this?"

"As the tomb, Mulder." Shit, yeah, the tomb. She must have seen  
something in my face because she continued in a hushed voice. "You  
know what I mean, Mulder. Anyway, why don't you go change? I'll see  
if I can get any information from the nurses."

^^^

Grateful for the change in subject, I took the grocery bag and headed  
for the men's room. After changing, I washed my face. Looking at  
myself in the mirror, I couldn't believe what all had happened in the  
last 24 hours. I'd had my hopes dashed in Walter's office, got drunk,  
threw a fit in Walter's home, ate dinner with him at a diner, made up  
with him, had sex, slept in his arms, gone for a run, got laid,  
performed CPR and ridden in an ambulance. Shit.

I realized that it was my fault. He was sick, I made him exert  
himself, begged him to, and he had a heart attack. His heart stopped  
and it was my fault. The bile rose up in my throat, and I practically  
dove for the stall. On my knees, the tile digging into my skin,  
throwing up what little was in my stomach, I began to do penance for  
what I'd done. Scully may be the Catholic in our partnership, but I'm  
the expert in guilt.

I was still retching a little, uselessly, when I heard a light tap on  
the bathroom door and then Scully's voice. "Mulder?" Gently,  
quietly. "Mulder, are you okay in there?"

I willed my stomach to be still. "Yeah, Scully, be out in a moment."  
I heard the door close then and pulled myself up and over to the  
sinks. What I really wanted to do, assuming I couldn't be with  
Walter, was sit on the floor and try to pretend none of this was  
happening for a while. However, Scully and reality awaited outside  
the men's room door.

^^^

Sure enough, she was waiting right outside the door. "Mulder, are you  
okay?" Her concern was evident in her eyes, in the way she reached  
out to me, but I brushed her off.

"I'm fine, Scully. Did you find out anything about his condition?"

"Yes I did, actually. The procedure went well, and he's in the  
recovery room now. We'll be able to see him in his room in a little  
while."

"How long?"

"About half an hour or so. Why don't we go down to the cafeteria and  
get something to eat until then?"

I nodded my acquiescence. I had no intention of eating, but Scully  
and I had a lot to talk about. Once I had a large coffee and a bag of  
chips in front of me, I started in on Scully again.

"Okay, Scully, I need to know if this is connected to the nanocytes.  
I know you said he was recovered, but in his shape, a heart attack  
doesn't seem too likely."

"Well, a man his age even in good shape can have a heart attack, but I  
agree that it seems strange. I called Dr. Plant, and he's ordered  
some blood tests to be done once Skinner's stabilized. We'll be able  
to see if the nanocytes have become active again. It's also possible  
that there was simply some small amount of blockage left over from  
last month and that it caused this attack."

So we knew effectively nothing at that point. "Skinner--Walter--he  
wouldn't give me any details about who infected him with the  
nanocytes, but I believe he knows. He wouldn't tell me because he  
thought it would put either or both of us at risk, but it doesn't seem  
like much of a risk, considering he almost died on me today."

My emotions threatened to overwhelm me again, but I stuffed them back  
down. There was work to do.

"Mulder, I want to get them, too, whoever did this to him, but right  
now you should concentrate on Skinner. He's going to be in here for a  
little while, and he's going to need you here with him, not running  
off getting yourself in trouble."

"Scully, that's another thing. How long have you know about our  
relationship? Does anyone else know?"

"I think I'm the only one, Mulder. Actually, I had thought you two  
were involved last year, but then it seemed to be over."

"I never thought you would have lied for me about the body in my  
apartment if you'd known we were together."

She sighed and looked away a bit guiltily. "I thought it was over.  
Anyway, I was sick." She pinned me with her gaze. "I was dying, and  
I was convinced Skinner was dirty. Hurting his feelings wasn't a big  
concern at the time. I'm sorry."

I looked down. "It was pretty much over, then, and after the fiasco  
with Ostelhoff it was over for sure. We just now..."

"You just got back together? God, Mulder, what timing." She reached  
across the table and briefly touched my hand.

"The Mulder luck." I gave her the best smile I could manage. "Do you  
know what room he's going to be in?" She nodded, and we rose from the  
table, heading towards the elevators. I wanted to be there when they  
brought him in to his room. I needed to see for myself that he was  
alive, breathing.

^^^

 

Subject: Voices III: Losing My Voice(2/2) SLASH NC-17 M/SK

 

We didn't have to wait long in that hall in the Cardiac Care Unit  
before a gurney came towards us carrying Walter. I fixed my eyes on  
him as soon as I could; he was so pale, so dwarfed by the machines  
around him. Scully went into doctor mode as he was pushed into the  
room, plucking his chart from the end of the bed.

The doctor, a middle-aged black man with light brown skin, turned from  
his patient to us. "Excuse me, I'm Dr. Regelson, and you are?"

Scully extended her hand. "I'm Dr. Dana Scully, and this is my  
partner Special Agent Fox Mulder. We work with Mr. Skinner at the  
FBI. We're also his friends. I was involved with his treatment last  
month."

"This was for the blood condition? I saw some mention of that on his  
chart. I see a Dr. Plant has ordered some tests?"

"Yes, Dr. Plant and I worked together on the unusual pathogen that  
infected Mr. Skinner at that time. We need to find out if there's  
been a reoccurance of the pathogen that has caused the MI."

"Well, Dr. Scully, the procedure was, for the most part, straight  
forward. We used the balloon angioplasty to dislodge the clot from  
his artery. Thanks to the quick action on the scene, the area of his  
heart muscle affected was relatively small. The strange thing was  
that when a man his age has a heart attack, we usually see that the  
arteries are significantly clogged with plaque. Mr. Skinner's  
arteries, on the other hand, were clear, very clear. I don't know  
what would have caused a clot to form, but it doesn't appear that  
there is much danger of another one forming soon."

"That's good to hear. However, the particular behavior of the  
pathogen was that it built walls within the blood vessels."

"Ah, then I can see why you're concerned about the causes of this  
blockage. Please notify me about the results of those tests. Now,  
Dr. Scully, Agent Mulder, I have other patients to see. Mr. Skinner  
tolerated the anesthesia well, so he should be waking up soon. Please  
do what you can to help him remain calm and comfortable. He'll need a  
lot of rest over the next few days."

Scully nodded and glanced over at me. I nodded at the doctor as well,  
and then he rushed of down the hall.

"Sounds pretty good, Mulder. You can sit with him; I'm going to talk  
to the nurses."

I thanked her and, finally, walked over to his bed. His breathing was  
steady, much deeper than it had been in those horrible moments back at  
my place and in the ambulance. The monitors told me that his heart  
was beating strongly again, and I had to resist the urge to lay my  
head on his chest to feel it myself. I didn't want to hurt him. I  
pulled the chair over next to the bed railing and perched in it,  
taking his hand gently in mine.

I watched his face, how strong the lines in it were. I watched his  
chest rise and fall, the wide bulk of it impressive even in a hospital  
bed. I watched his hand in mine for any signs of movement, stroking  
it softly along the lines of the bones. He was something to look at,  
even pale and drawn, even unconscious and ill. I loved him, and I  
prayed to God, the Consortium and shape-shifting aliens that he would  
survive.

^^^

His hand twitched in mine, and I look up to see his brown eyes  
fluttering open. I stood up and put my other hand on his forehead,  
rubbing it lightly over his skin. "Walter, hey, can you hear me?"

"Mulder--" his whispered voice was hoarse, dry, so I reached for the  
cup of water beside his bed and helped him take a few sips.

"Better?"

He nodded a little and his eyes closed again for a moment. "Mulder,  
what happened?"

The doctor had said it was important not to upset him. "Don't worry  
about it. You're okay now. You're going to be okay." I spoke softly,  
trying to reassure him.

"Tell me," he commanded, even in his tired, thin voice. "What  
happened?"

"You had a heart attack." I felt his body react under my hands.  
"Shh. Shh. It was only a small one, and they stopped it really fast.  
Scully said everything sounds good."

"Good," he whispered, licking his dry lips. I offered him a little  
more water. He spoke once more, "...love you...," before dropping off  
to sleep.

I smiled in relief and sat back in my chair, still holding his hand in  
mine. A few minutes later, a nurse came in to take some blood and  
then Scully came in to sit with me.

"He woke up for a minute. He seemed pretty out of it, but he made me  
tell him what had happened." I was still worried that I shouldn't  
have told him, that I shouldn't have upset him. "I tried to keep him  
calm."

"Don't worry about it, Mulder, he probably won't even remember. He's  
still got to be pretty hazed. It's good he woke up." As usual,  
Scully's clear logic helped *me* calm down, so I hoped it would work  
with Walter once he was awake enough to appreciate it.

"Mulder," she continued quietly, "I hate to bring this up, but what  
are you going to do about the Bureau? I don't have a problem with  
your relationship, but some people might not be so tolerant."

"God, Scully, fuck the Bureau. I don't care what they think." Her  
question, mentioning a reality beyond this room, beyond us, made me so  
angry.

"I know you don't, but what about him?" She tipped her head towards  
my sleeping lover. "It's his career too, and he's the one who would  
take the bigger fall. I'm not telling you what to do; I'm just  
reminding you to think about him."

"God damn it, Scully! He's all I can think about!" I felt tears  
forming in my eyes, so I stood up and walked over to the small window  
looking out onto the parking lot. "You didn't see him, Scully. You  
didn't see him crying out in pain. You didn't his chest still, feel  
his pulse *dead* under your fingers. I can still see it, every time I  
close my eyes. Shit!" I spoke louder than I'd intended to, and  
louder than I should have, because I head a groan from the bed.

I went over to him and cupped my hand on his cheek. His skin was  
warmer, warmer than before, proof that he'd survived. "Shh, it's  
okay. Go back to sleep."

"Scully?" He asked, barely loud enough for me to hear.

"She's right here."

Scully walked over to the other side of the bed then and took his  
large hand in her small one. "What is it, sir?"

He tried to say something, but neither of us could understand it. She  
leaned in then, her red hair a drape over his face. He whispered  
again, still too quietly for me to hear. Scully seemed to understand,  
though, because she smiled and nodded her head at him before sleep  
claimed him again.

"Come on, Mulder, we need to give the nurses a chance to do their  
thing. They'll get mad and throw us out if we get in their way. As  
it is, I talked them into letting the two of us stay most of the  
time."

"Thanks, Scully," I muttered somewhat gracelessly, and reluctantly  
followed her out into the hall.

^^^

"Scully, what did he say to you?"

"Nothing, Mulder," she replied lightly.

"Sure, whatever. Why don't you head on home, Scully. I'm sure you  
have things to do. I'll just wait out here until they let me back  
in."

"I don't think so. If I leave you here, and you fall on your face,  
the nurses will ban us for sure. When was the last time you had  
anything to eat?"

I sighed loudly. I had thrown out the chips from the cafeteria  
earlier. I'd intended on finding something for breakfast after my run,  
but Walter sort of distracted me. After that, things got a bit  
hectic. I looked at my watch. It was after 6:30 in the evening, and  
I hadn't had anything since last night. No wonder I felt like shit.

Apparently my pondersome look was answer enough for Scully because she  
answered, "That's what I thought." With admittedly ill humor, I  
allowed her to lead me like a child to the grim institutional  
cafeteria.

I asked the older woman behind the grill counter for a cheeseburger  
and fries, and she put it on my tray, favoring me with a look laced  
with sympathy. I had to wonder what the deal was with all these old  
ladies. They probably thought I was there to visit my beautiful young  
wife. Not quite.

Scully popped a bottle of orange juice onto my tray to offset the  
coffee I'd chosen and soon we were at a small round formica table.

"Mulder, I hope you're not angry with me for dragging you down here.  
I know you want to stay close to Skinner, but you were really starting  
to look the worse for wear. He'd kick both our asses if he woke up  
and couldn't see you because you were on a bed on another floor."

All the mothering was really getting to me. "Yeah, thanks Scully, I  
can take care of myself."

"Not when you're concentrating all your energy on somebody else. When  
you've been injured, Skinner had to order me home before I'd leave  
you. I understand. Just eat your cheeseburger so we can get back  
upstairs to your man."

With a brief snort, I set to eating my dinner, which was unfortunately  
the variety of hamburger that proceeds to sit in the bottom of your  
stomach as if you'd eaten a hockey puck. After we finished, just as I  
was standing up to dispose of my tray, Scully placed her cool hand on  
my arm.

"I took care of the Bureau, Mulder. I told them the hospital wasn't  
allowing any visitors for two days, so you're in the clear until  
then."

I looked at her with open-mouthed awe. She'd lied to the Bureau. For  
me. Again.

She laughed a little at my shock. "Don't worry about it. I figured  
it was best for him anyway. Once they're allowed in, weasels like  
Colton will be showing up in hordes to score points with the A.D."

I hadn't thought of that, but Scully was right. I would have to use  
the next two days well. I wondered if Scully would be willing to feed  
my fish, but then I remembered that my latest batch had died a couple  
weeks ago. It was just as well.

^^^

When we got back to the ward, I found a more comfortable chair and a  
blanket waiting for me next to Walter's bed, thanks to Scully's magic.  
Scully left with a promise to come back in the morning, and I settled  
in, determined to watch Walter all night. I figured if something went  
wrong, at least I would notice right away. Soon, however, I was  
having trouble holding my head up. I rested my head on the side of  
his mattress so that I could just watch the rise and fall of his chest  
through my slitted eyes. I had never seen anything more reassuring.

I woke up to the feeling of a hand moving through my hair, smoothing  
it, petting it. Still half-asleep, I moved my head closer to the  
source of the wonderful sensations, pressing lightly into its palm.  
Lost in the animal pleasure of the contact, I forgot where I was.  
Then a machine started waling down the hall, and I came fully awake.

I looked up at Walter, and he was smiling at me. A warm, gorgeous  
smile that almost made up for the wires still attached to his body.

"Hey, how do you feel?"

His smile faded, and I sat up straighter. "I feel okay, Mulder, just  
tired. I remember talking to you last night, but I was pretty out of  
it. Did I--" He paused, looking down at his hands. "I had a heart  
attack, didn't I?"

I wished I could lie to him, but he sees through me every time.  
"Yeah, but the doctor says it was relatively small."

"So it wasn't too bad? I don't remember."

I wanted to tell him that it wasn't bad, and maybe according to the  
doctor it wasn't. But all I could think of was my hand on his  
neck--no pulse. I felt the tears at my eyes, choking me. "It was bad  
enough," I finally said quietly.

He caught my gaze, held it until my eyes dried. I think he understood  
then how bad it had been for me. I didn't know if I should or not,  
but I stood up then and kissed him. I pressed my lips gently onto  
his, trying to erase the memory of forcing air into his still lungs.  
I rested my head then lightly on his shoulder, and he reached up with  
his hand, lightly caressing the back of my neck.

I pulled away at a tap on the door, and a nurse entered. I looked at  
my watch, and it was 7:30 a.m. I went to the men's room to wash my  
face and give the nurse a chance to take care of Walter. Soon after I  
came out, Scully arrived bearing donuts and real non-hospital coffee.  
We expected Drs. Regelson and Plant to come during their morning  
rounds, and all three of us were anxious about what news they would  
bring.

^^^

Dr. Plant came in first. I got up and stood next to Walter, gripping  
his hand in mine. I hope I didn't hurt him, but I wanted to get my  
hands around the neck of whoever infected him with those things.

"Well, Mr. Skinner, it appears that once again, you'll live." A  
collective breath was released in the room. "We have tested and  
re-tested your blood samples, and we can detect no trace of the kind  
of activity in your blood that made you ill last month. Dr. Scully  
and I both agree that your heart attack was most likely caused by some  
residual carbon linkages. As you've been recovering, those walls have  
been breaking down. Apparently, one of those walls wasn't broken down  
far enough."

"So the nanocytes weren't re-activated? This is definite?"

Dr. Plant sighed. "Agent Mulder, we know very little about this  
technology. However, as far as I can tell, there has been no new  
activity. If these nanocytes are experimental, this may well have  
been an unforseen consequence of Mr. Skinner's infection."

So, Walter almost dying *again* was one big Consortium fuck-up. I  
wanted to laugh, so help me, but I was afraid that if I started I  
wouldn't be able to stop until they put me in the shirt with the long,  
long sleeves. I contained myself, shook Dr. Plant's hand, shared a  
tense smile with Scully.

Dr. Regelson walked in with a thick chart. "Well, Mr. Skinner, you  
are in excellent health for a man who just had a heart attack."

"Thank you, doctor," Walter replied, his eyes intense.

"Your cholesterol level and aterial blockage are both extremely good  
for a man your age. Your blood pressure could be better, but it's not  
in itself worrisome. You obviously work out. You also eat a healthy  
diet?"

"I try."

"Very good. Frankly, according to conventional medicine, you should  
not have had a heart attack. Dr. Plant tells me that this rare  
pathogen you were exposed to most likely explains the clot formation.  
While this is problematic in its own way, your general state of health  
should allow for a quick recovery.

"Unless you experience unforseen complications, I will release you  
tomorrow afternoon. You will need to stay at home and relax for two  
weeks before returning to work." Dr. Regelson fixed Walter with a  
sharp look. "Do yourself a favor and listen to me on this or you  
could end up back in here again." He glanced at me then and back to  
Walter. "After the two week period you may return to normal sexual  
activity and exercise. Not before."

Walter nodded. I think I blushed. Scully just tried to hide her  
smile behind one hand. Regelson promised to return tomorrow before  
Walter's discharge and took his leave.

^^^

Walter sent me home after that. In cohoots with Scully, he got her  
to drive me. He told me to shower, shave and change and come back  
when I smelled better.

I have to admit the shower did feel good. The hot water eased some of  
the ache out of my back from too much time spent in hospital  
furniture. When I stepped out of the bathroom, naked and warm, I  
couldn't help myself. Just for a moment, I got into my bed, the  
covers still rumpled from our morning activities.

Letting myself go, I could still feel him on me, in me. I could feel  
his kisses on my back like blessings, feel his strong back protecting  
me. My body was remembering his touch, too, and I grew hard for him.  
There under the covers, I took my cock in my hand and brought myself  
to climax, but it was him touching me the whole time, him loving me,  
his voice in my ear.

The ache I'd been feeling in the pit of my stomach lifted for the  
first time since rushing to the hospital. For a few precious moments,  
I let myself rest. I let the guilt go and the anger, and I took in  
return the promise of love. I never thought giving up would feel so  
good.

I cleaned myself up then, shaved and dressed. Before leaving my  
apartment again, I packed a bag to put in my trunk. I didn't know if  
he would let me, but I wanted to stay with him while he recuperated.  
I thought maybe this time I could get Scully working on my side in a  
medical matter. It turned out to be even easier than I imagined.

^^^

When I got back the hospital in the early afternoon, a therapist had  
just come in to work with Walter. She said she needed to make sure he  
would be okay resuming a minimum level of activity. I noticed he was  
sitting up in bed for the first time. His color was better, and the  
IV was gone.

I noticed he'd talked them into bringing him some scrub pants to wear  
under the hospital gown. If he was going to be up and moving around,  
that little swath of material wouldn't have covered much on a man his  
size. I almost laughed imagining him turning his A.D. voice on the  
poor nurses, requisitioning pants.

Kelly, the therapist, had some papers she was going over to prepare  
him for tomorrow's discharge. "Will someone be at home to help you  
out, Mr. Skinner?"

"No, but I'll be fine. I feel fine already." I could hear him  
chafing at the idea of dependence.

"Well, we do recommend that you have someone with you, at least for  
the first few days. If you're going to be alone at home, Dr. Regelson  
may want to keep you admitted for an extra day or two."

Catch-22. I saw it in his face. "I'd be happy to stay with you," I  
volunteered innocently.

"Oh, Mulder, I'd hate to put you out."

"Not a problem." I felt almost chipper. I was getting my way, and I  
didn't even have to ask for it.

"Very good. Just make sure he gets lots of rest and doesn't lift  
anything over twenty pounds. The doctor will give you a list of his  
medications tomorrow, I'm sure."

"I'm, sure," Walter echoed glumly. I think he was imagining me as  
nursemaid in some sort of Gothic horror tale. Well, he'd find out  
soon enough. Besides, I knew I could always call Scully if anything  
went wrong. She's always willing to come running with an aural  
thermometer and a blood pressure cuff.

Next thing, Kelly said, was to get Walter up and walking around a  
little to make sure his heart rate wouldn't go out of wack or  
anything. The two of us spotted him and he swung his legs out of the  
bed, and I stood with my hand at his back while he recovered his  
balance. I know from experience that a couple days on your back can  
play havoc with that.

With some wires still attached to him to monitor his heart, we made  
our way slowly out the door and down the hall. I could tell he was  
tired and sore, still. I read that a few minutes of oxygen  
deprivation is hell on your muscles. I missed his confident stride,  
his straight-arrow walk that turns heads in the corridors of the  
Hoover, but it was fine just to see him walking. Not shuffling even,  
just ambling along steadily.

As we walked back towards his room again, he started listing a little  
in my direction. I slipped my arm around his waist and let him lean  
on me. Kelly smiled at me and helped me guide him back into the bed.  
She told us the results looked great, left some printed instructions,  
and went on her way.

Walter sat up, wearily, in the bed. "Jesus, Mulder, I'm an old man."

I thought he was joking. "Yeah, but I love you anyway. I'll buy you  
an engraved cane, and we'll go to Atlantic City."

He growled, "I'm serious Mulder. Look at me, I'm old and bald with a  
bad heart. I can hardly walk ten yards, and I need you to babysit me.  
It's a miracle I can even get it up."

I was shocked that he saw himself that way. "Is that what you think I  
see?" I asked quietly.

He didn't respond; he just looked down at the white knit blanket on  
his bed.

I moved closer then and sat on the edge of his bed. I reached out  
slowly with one hand and caressed his cheek. "You are the strongest  
man I've ever met." I ran my other hand over his head and then moved  
it down so that I held his face securely in my hands. "You've got a  
hell of a body and a good, strong heart. Even the doctor says so, but  
I know better than he does."

That got a small smile out of him, so I continued. "When you do grow  
old, I'll be there. If you want me to. I want to be there. I love  
you. I love your body, and I love your heart." I ran my hands down  
to his shoulder and leaned in, kissing him on the smooth crown of his  
head. "And I love your gorgeous bald head."

He laughed then, a bit thickly. "Only you, Mulder."

Brushing away my own tears, I hopped down from the bed and covered him  
with the blanket. As his eyes drifted closed, I lowered the back of  
the bed so he could rest. A nurse knocked on the door then and told  
me to make myself scarce for a while. Before I could leave, Walter  
grabbed my arm and pulled me closer to him.

"I love you too, Mulder. Thank you."

I couldn't help but smiling, even as the nurse pushed me out the door  
and shut it behind me.

^^^

Not knowing what else to do with myself, I found I was actually  
hungry. I'm really not very picky, so I decided to stick with the  
cafeteria. I went with the Salisbury steak special this time, and  
it's filling up the hole in my stomach quite well. Tomorrow, I'll  
take Walter home. Thanks to Scully, we'll escape the hospital before  
the visitors even get their chance.

I'm really looking forward to taking care of him. I know, I'm not  
usually so domestic, but it's an opportunity to show him how much I  
care. How it's so much more than the sex. When we were together  
before, we managed to keep it separate. We were a couple in the  
bedroom and our own men the rest of the time.

I think that's where the mistake came in. It's so much easier to find  
yourself drawn in by the darkness when you're alone. Together, we'll  
be unconquerable. We can overturn the Bureau and the Consortium and  
win over my mother. We've got Scully, too, and the Gunmen on our  
side.

With the love of a great man, the friendship of a good woman, and the  
technical assistance of three fine geeks, there isn't anything I can't  
do.


End file.
